Sloane is such a happy baby. It took me a while to realize that sometimes she was crying because she was tired and not hungry. And now, she pretty much only cries when she is tired or hungry. She is so mellow and content all the time. Some days we push her pretty far, and I think she is going to be so mad/tired/sad, but she is just fine and happy and it's crazy awesome. She is gaining weight so slow and isn't even technically on the charts of percentiles (I guess that means she is a negative percentile for weight). She is still in newborn diapers and clothes! But she is strong and smart and she seems ahead of her age developmentally. She will not take a bottle, loves sucking on her hands, and is totes over being swaddled-she needs her arms free. She is not a fan of the baby wrap. She is LOVING the Christmas tree and gets SO excited when we put her under it. She is pretty independent and loves just chilling by herself on the floor. She just discovered her hands and tongue last week and it is so fun to watch her learn to control them. She can hold her head up like a champ and loves trying to stand up. She is my favorite.
Look at that face!
See how tiny!
This bear is bigger than her.
We were able to bless her during Thanksgiving weekend and it was a great day. Nate gave her the most beautiful blessing and we had lots of family there to support us. She wore the same dress that I wore when I was blessed and she looked super fancy.
Both families. Mixing.
(Half of) Nate's fam.
(Most of) My Fam.
And now for some cliche crap you hear all the time (But turned out to be really really true)
It is insane how much I love that tiny baby. It makes no sense. If she naps longer than usual, I start to miss her and start watching videos of her on my phone. Sometimes when we are out running errands, I start to miss her because she is clear in the backseat. It's hard to share her with family and friends because I pretty much just always want to be mauling her with love. I'm breaking all the "baby sleep rules" because I just want to hold her and cuddle her all day every day.The amount of anxiety that accompanies motherhood is kinda overwhelming. I do not know what I would do if something happened to her. A few months ago I didn't even know this bebe and now I can't bare the thought of life without her. It's so annoying how much I love her. I would always roll my eyes when I heard other moms say all the crap I just said, but something weird happens to you when you have a baby, so forgive me for being that mom.
It's also insane how much more I love Nate. He is the best freaking dad, I can't get over it. I'm way too obsessed with my little family.
The thought of going back to work depresses me so bad. On top of all that sadness and stress, the girl who offered to watch Sloane when I go back told me last week that she could no longer do it. It has been a super stressful week trying to find someone I trust enough to take care of her. I thought I had found someone and then I went and met her and found myself disapproving of things I never thought I would have a problem with. I will have to leave her with someone I don't know, there is no way around it and it breaks my heart every time I think about it. The same day someone shared the most devastating article on facebook about a mom who dropped her baby off at daycare for the first time and came back a couple hours later to feed him and he was dead. The first day. I cried my eyes out and little Sloane just smiled at me and made me cry even more. I'm gonna be a wreck and all the men that I work with are not going to know what to do with me. Wish me (and them) luck.