Tuesday, March 4, 2014

I don't wanna grow up

Big news people. I got a new job/promotion. I've been working at the same place for almost 6 years and earlier this month, I got switched over the the "exec" side of the building. It's a pretty big deal, not many people make that move. My official title is "Benefits Administrator", so pretty much I just make sure all the benefits are being administrated, ya know? (Yeah, me either). I have my own office and way too many business cards. I cannot imagine distributing even 1/4 of them, but at least I'll have a card to drop into those drawings where you have to a business card to enter, you know the ones.

So far, the job has been scary, overwhelming, boring, disappointing, awkward, eye-opening, and exciting. It's been a real roller coaster of emotions so far. There isn't quite a full work load for this position yet because it's a made up position. Our HR manager left a couple months ago and they've been trying to find someone to fill his shoes, in their search they narrowed it down to me and another much more experienced man. For some reason I don't understand, they really wanted to hire me, but due to the fact that I have zero business background they didn't think it would be the best idea for me to be in charge of that. Thankfully! So, instead they made up a position within the HR department, called "benefit administrator" and gave it to me. The main problem with being the first person in a position is that there is no one to train you. There's no specific responsibilities and no one is really sure what I should be doing.

So far, I have pretty much only been busy like 1or 2 days when I had to reconcile all the benefit accounts. It is a stressful couple days because I'm no accountant and accountants don't really understand how normal people think and therefore have a hard time explaining things on a "dumber" level. Some perks are that I am now paid on salary, paid holidays and 15 paid days off a year. I love having my own office and listening to my own music and I love being off the call floor! One of the biggest cons is not as much interaction with people, I sure do miss all my buddies on the call floor. We got to be such good friends.

Everyone on the exec side is very nice, but very adult-y. I've never been very good at talking and bonding with adults. Yeah yeah, I'm an adult (technically) but I still consider my personality to be youthful. I can make friends with college kids in a couple minutes by talking about SNL and being super sarcastic, but adults are mature. They watch the news and talk about their kids. Their weekend plans are home repairs and going to kids recitals. I don't know how to relate to these people. Not to mention their all adult males. There are 2 women, who I do fine with. Women are so much easier than men, all you have to do is talk about something you saw on pinterest and they love you.

I am getting better, but I am still awkward and some of the small talk chit chat is so so awkward. One of the hardest things for me to figure out is how long to stand in someone's office talking. I'm great at one liners, but as soon as the conversation gets past that, things tend to get awkward. Yesterday I was talking to one of these adult males and as soon as the conversation lulled I started walking out. The only thing is, he wasn't done talking, so I turned around and kept talking, this happened two more times. I felt so bad, but I swear the conversation was over and I had to get out of there before the silence got anymore awkward and definitely before I said another dumb cliche like, "I know how that goes!" (When I really don't and I have no idea what he's talking about). This guy probably thinks I'm a weirdo or a jerk. It's not like I can use the excuse of needing to get back to work, because I have had nothing that needed to get done all week. Nate is much better at adults, he gives me tips sometimes and most the time they really help. I heard "Arcade Fire" coming from one of their offices, so I poked my head in and complimented him on his taste in music and in turn he suggested someone else I should listen to and we talked a bit about music. I was just thinking, "hey, we're talking and it's not awkward and I'm not even being fake". He suggested I listen to Beck's new album, and I was so busy telling myself what was going on that I said "yeah, I haven't listened to them forever". And he followed up with, "Yeah, he hasn't had a new album in a long time" May not seem like that big of a deal, but to music-people, this is a dead giveaway that someone is just pretending to know who you are talking about. It's like someone saying, do you like Britney Spears and you saying yeah they are so good. I knew Beck was just a he, but I said they because I was over thinking it. Oh well, he's over it. I'm over it, but still made me feel pretty dumb. That convo led to several more throughout the day though, and even allowed me to make a good joke about a mo-tab/dub step mash-up that got a pretty good laugh. I'm getting there, but it sure is uncomfortable and difficult.

 I just don't like the idea that I may be done with that part of my life where I can just have silly conversations with young people about pop culture and other meaningless things. I know, I know, adults aren't always serious and they can be fun and cool too sometimes, but it's just different. I'll be IM'ing my buddies from the call floor about stupid little pranks they are playing on each other, and I have an exec in my office talking about their medical problems. And maybe it's just because I'm not friends with them yet, there are definitely a couple who I feel we could have a good friendship at some point. This post got to be a lot longer and much more wordy than I expected. But if you happen to have a lot of down time of work like me, then maybe you read all of it and maybe it helped you kill 5 or 10 minutes.

The good news is that whenever I'm doing my actual job, I really like it. So, hopefully once I get some more responsibility and I'll love every day. And maybe, just maybe I'll learn how to have an un-awkward adult conversation. But I doubt it.