Friday, February 9, 2018

It's almost baby time.

Baby girl is coming so soon! The c-section is scheduled, we have some things ready, and I'm at the point of pregnancy where I am feeling, "ready or not, get this child out!" I still haven't had any magical nesting urges though, so I'm not quite as ready as I probably should be. I did go through all of Sloane's old clothes to find some newborn clothes and because Sloane was the tiniest tiny, she has so many newborn sized clothes. She was in NB size for about 6 months, so I think we're set. I'm not as stressed as I should be as far as this baby coming. It's comforting to know exactly how the delivery will go and when it will be. I am however panicking about soaking in this time as a family of three. I don't know why but I feel so much pressure to make the most of this time, but it is stressful guys. In my head, I guess I think that Nate and Sloane are just straight up moving out when the baby comes and I'll never see them again. But it is a strange feeling to know that our little family will never be the same as it is now. I know we'll love this new baby and our family and our love will only increase blah blah blah, but so far I'm not buying it. This time alone with Sloane has been so special (I do not throw that word around much).  I just don't really think it's possible to love someone else as much as I love my Sloaney. I'm sure my very next post will be saying just how wrong I am about that (let's hope at least, or that would be super sad).

Half of me wants to go out and do ALL the things every single day but the other half of me is so tired, and getting grumpier by the minute, it's a very tricky combination. I want to rock Sloane to sleep every night but sometimes it's just so uncomfortable that I put her right into bed. I get these frantic thoughts in my head to "savor this moment" and "you're going to regret not taking advantage of this time". And I know myself and I know those thoughts are 100% true, but I also know that some nights I can't do much more than endure. It sounds dramatic and it probably is. Most days are really good and for the most part I feel great all day, but when night time rolls around, the aches and fatigue are rough. All I want to do is lay down, but I can't lay down too soon because my hips can only take so many hours of laying, so if I start too soon, I'll be up at like 4:00AM. Also, indigestion.

One of the hardest parts has been having patience with Sloane. She hasn't even been that difficult, but all of my patience stores are used up trying to endure this mental and physical stress. By the time I get to go pick her up, I'm pretty depleted and instead of enjoying our alone time, I end up doing the exact opposite. I lose patience so fast, I get mad over really dumb things (like her throwing something onto the floor- because I am so sick of bending over), I expect way too much from her. The worst part is that I am fully aware of my unrealistic expectations, but I still can't reel it in. It would almost be easier if I didn't know how ridiculous I was being. So after I freak out about a stupid thing and she comes over and says, "orry mama", then I get pounded in the face with so much guilt and I usually end up crying, because what else is there to do. Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. I wish I could explain to her why I'm being such a mean mom and I really wish I could control it more. But I have a sneaking suspicion that it's not going to get much better when I'm a sleep-deprived, milk machine, so maybe it's best that her expectations of me are lowering daily. 

Every once in a while the nice, adventurous Hayley wins out, so here's some pictures of that Hayley's life. Maybe those will make me and you feel less depressed.
This winter has been so mild, we've played outside almost every day. I do have to give myself a fat pat on the back for that, I have to fight the urge to go straight home and sit on the couch every single day. Sloane loves being outside so much and it makes me so happy that she is such an adventurer. She is unfazed by the cold. She stops, drops and snow angels spontaneously every day, it's one of my favorite things. 

Nate and I got to go to a Jazz game and stay in a courtside suite. Those things are nuts, they have food and snacks in the suite and then you walk out your door and go watch the game. If you get hungry or thirsty, you just walk back to your suite and get whatever you need. It was so much fun. 

This was the halftime dessert cart they brought around, like wha? Who lives like this?

After the game we stayed at the Little America as one last little "hurrah" before the baby comes. It was so nice to have some alone time with Nate and so nice to sleep past 5:30 AM, which is Sloane's new wake up time. 

37 weeks. I feel larger than life and my poor skin is begging the stretching to stop. 

This was one of my favorite moments in the last month. It's rarely comfortable to snuggle with this girl and this giant belly, but she actually found a good spot to settle in and it was a real good 3 minutes, before she realized she had been still for too long. 

We took Sloane bowling for her first time and it was so fun! She loved it so much. She had the best reactions after her ball would go down the lane. She would cheer and jump up and down and gave out plenty of high fives. And seeing her in those tiny bowling shoes was almost worth it on it's own.

I went to a "Galentines" dance party last week and it was a good time. It sure is hard to dance when you're 38 weeks pregnant though. Baby girl was either really loving the loud music and dancing or hating it, I'll have to remember to ask her which one it was. The best part of the night was dancing to Justin Beiber's "baby baby baby" and just rubbing and pointing to my belly the whole time. Just in case anyone wasn't sure that there was a baby in there. I'm such a clever dancer guys. 

These all-girl dance parties are so great. I love watching all these middle aged moms party their faces off. 

They also had a real good swag bag, and lots of real good treats and photo ops. Can't wait to be able to dance to full capacity again soon. 

Well, it worked, I feel a little better now. 
Now I gotta go have a baby. I'll let you if I end up loving her. 

JK guys I love her already. Lighten up. 

Monday, January 15, 2018


Decorating the Christmas Tree. Sloane LOVED helping me put all the ornaments on. Those bottom branches were maxed out by the end. I had to very secretly move them one at a time so she wouldn't notice. 

Helping Dad get the star on top. 

We went and saw Santa. Sloane was so excited seconds before sitting down and then got real scared real fast. 

So many photo ops. 

First snow of the season and this girl was in heaven. She's a much bigger fan of the snow this year than last year and it's fun and sometimes really annoying to play out in the snow every day.  

Nate and I have heard so much about this show and we decided to finally get tickets this year. It was such a fun show and we legitimately LOLed several times. Good job guys. 

Krispy Kreme just opened in Logan and I had been craving one of those donuts since the day I saw the sign announcing they were coming, and that was a really long time ago. It was one of the most satisfying donuts of my life. 

We braved the cold (16 degrees) one night and went and saw a live nativity that a local farm puts on up here. It was actually pretty fun, but we only stayed for 20 minutes tops because cold. 

My primary class this year was what dreams are made of. I loved them all so much and if I could just be their teacher for the rest of Primary, I would do it.  

We somewhat spontaneously bought a new car. Somewhat because we have actually been talking about getting a 4runner since like July, but we had recently just given up the dream and decided it would have to happen later. Then this one popped up on KSL and it had every single thing we wanted (which is surprisingly difficult to find) so we went for it. It is so much fun and Nate is on cloud 9.  

Temple Square time! 

We went to an Aggie basketball game one night and when we came out it was snowing like crazy. Nate took off his jacket and wrapped up his baby girl and she clung to him the whole way to the car. I never want to forget that sweet little scene. Sometimes their love fests are just too much for my heart to handle. 

Christmas was really fun this year. It was the "Cog" year, so we got together and made gingerbread houses, played games and ate tons of food. 

We went and saw some very impressive light displays

And made it to the "Tree of Life" that everyone is always talking about. 

We chilled under the Christmas tree. 

  Went to church on Christmas Eve. 

And had the traditional Lasagna Christmas dinner afterwards. We also got to open presents because we were headed back home that home. the cousins all got jammies. Which they found out were jammies before they opened them because Jaundice said something like, okay, time to open your pajamas and were all like, uhhhhh... 

 It was our very first Christmas at home and it was the best. 

Christmas Eve looked something like this...We watched "It's a Wonderful Life" and put Sloanes new kitchen together. And by "we" I mean Nate, he put the whole thing together. 

 Christmas Morning! There was something so magical about being alone and at our own home. 

Sloane's new kitchen! 

Nate's family would take a picture every Christmas morning in front of the fireplace, so the tradition was started this year with Sloane. Next year there will be another little babe with her!  

Sloane's favorite present was her doctor set. We played doctor all day and she wants to play it all the time. And any time she gets hurt, we have to put her on the doctor table and examine her and fix her up with all the doctor tools. 

We had a white Christmas and it was so much fun! We went out after presents and such and played for a long time. We sledded down our little hill, made a snowman and shoveled snow. I was pretty sick over Christmas, but it was so fun that I barely even remembered that I felt terrible. 

And HAPPY NEW YEAR! We are so excited for everything coming in 2018, especially baby sister. 

Fall and Pregnancy

Fall was so much fun this year. Sloane really got into the Halloween spirit. We watched Nightmare before Christmas probably twice a day every day. 

Picking pumpkins from the best patch in Cache Valley. 

I forced this little one on a hike one day and she was not in the mood. I had fun though. 

20 WEEKS! Halfway there! 
I took a long drive up the canyon during conference and had the best time. It was probably the most beautiful I have ever seen AF canyon and I couldn't get myself to leave. This portion of the pregnancy (20ish) weeks I was supes emotional and everything made me want to cry. So I cried for a large portion of the drive and then the leaves were so beautiful that I cried some more. Oh boy, I'm glad I'm past those hormonal rages. 

You're welcome. 

Another forced Fall outing, I forced to go get dinner and eat it up the canyon. Sloane was so tired because she was refusing naps and fell asleep on the way. We didn't know whether to wake her up or just go home, sometimes when we wake her up, she's ornery pants. But we decided to wake her up and she was actually really happy and had fun running around like a wild child. 

 I literally took work off to go to the pumpkin walk this year. This event is just so important to me and I thought Sloane would love it. She was pretty indifferent. She did love playing in this little bus though, so I guess there's that. Turns out Fall was just me forcing my family to do "fun" fall-tivities that they didn't care about.

After running at full speed for more than an hour, Sloane randomly laid down on the grass, put her arms up and said, "laxin'' She "relaxed" for about 2 minutes and then was back at it

Our anniversary celebration was off the hook this year. We dropped Sloane off at the grandparents and then went to Provo to see what fun we could find. We had no plan, but we were both up for anything. Enter Nickel City. We had way too much there and only bought like $5 worth of tickets but they lasted so long and we earned enough tickets to buy:

Two fun dips and two frooties. 

Then we went to Rockwell Ice cream and we both agreed that it was probably the best ice cream either of us have ever had.  

Nate's "friend" from HS had just opened up a game cafe across the street from the ice cream shop, so we were just going to go in and check it out and see if the "friend" was there. He was and we had an awkward little chat and then decided to stay. We stayed way longer than expected because it was so fun. We found some new fun games and now we want to open a game cafe in Logan because it is seriously such a good idea. 

Lastly we went to Bona Vita, a fancy Italian place at the outlets. It was so good, we want to go eat there every time we go to Highland. Big step up from Wendy's guys. Big. 
Then we drove over to our hotel for the night, they Hyatt, that was literally across the parking lot. We were excited to get in the hot tub, but when we got there there were 22 children and one adult in there, but we squeezed in anyway, hoping that the one adult would contain the children, or tell them to calm the H down, but this adult did not. The water was luke warm at best, so we stayed long enough to get splashed and kicked and violated underwater just a little and then left. It only took about 4 minutes for all that to happen. We went back to the room, took a super hot shower to warm up from the "hot tub" and then ate our fun dips and watched some random shows. It was a really fun little date night.  

We went to Curiousity museum with Riana and Rocco and had lots of fun. 

Dressed up this little kitty for a night out on the town. 

This was a pretty rough day, Sloane and I had both made each other cry multiple times, Dad was on a scout campout or something. I finally said I had enough and we were gonna get out of the house. We ran around at the pumpkin patch and it lifted both our spirits just enough to make it through the night. 

Carving pumpkins. 

Sloane was a little scared of the two pumpkins on the left when they were all lit up, so she kept trying to blow them out. 

Our pregnancy announcement. 

23 Weeks. 
I didn't win the costume contest at work. They are all dead to me. 

Halloween was so fun with this little kitty. She mostly just wanted to run around and didn't really care all the much about the trick or treating. We only went to a couple houses, but she would get really shy when someone answered the door and would not take the candy. It made it super awkward for Nate and I. Should we go take some or should we just leave? I would usually just go grab one from the bucket and say thanks! But it was weirdly awkward, I felt like I was trying to steal candy and using my daughter as an excuse. 

She did eat the treats later, I guess she just was just trying to pretend like she was too good for candy and treats. 

Tiny motorcycle ride. Sloane loved it, Flint (in the middle) did not. 

Every once in a while my work has sweet hookups. We got to go hang out in a box suite and watch the Jazz game one night and it was super fun! Minus the part where you have to be all "network-y" and stuff. 

 And now, PREGNANCY. I'm pregnant guys. 

18 weeks

22 Weeks

25 Weeks

28 weeks for me, 37? for Riana. 
We love being pregnant together. Riana jumped the gun a little on this one, so we won't have matching birthdays for all our kids. 
31 Weeks

I am 34 weeks today! 
The first trimester was mostly fine, I was super tired again, and the heartburn started in way earlier than last time, but other than that, it wasn't too bad. 2nd trimester was all the EMOTIONS. I seriously felt kinda crazy. I couldn't deal with Sloane, and I took offense to way too much, even the two year old. I cried a lot and pretty much just felt like a terrible mom the whole 2nd trimester. 3rd trimester has been a lot better emotionally, but not so great physically. The miserable feeling set in so much earlier this time and I have felt stretched to capacity since like 30 weeks. I have also had a harder time sleeping because my hips get so sore in the night. The heartburn and indigestion have been insane. I have been taking meds to help with the heartburn, but I can't lay down for at least 2 hours after a meal or I get lots of burping and fake throw ups happening. 

TMI alert, you've been warned, you most likely do not want to keep reading, but I gotta remember this stuff. The constipation has been hellish. I've been basically washing prunes down with prune juice and still struggling, but I think I have finally found a solution, hallelujah stool softener. I have never dealt with constipation really until this and I cannot believe people act like it's a small problem. I have been heard saying things like, "I would rather have diarrhea for the rest of my life than ever deal with this again". 

Other FAQ's:

Cravings? Nope. But my water does have to be ICE cold or else. Oh and I'm accidentally re-addicted to Dr. Pepper. I have to watch that addiction real close or it gets out of hand. I'm working on dialing it back though. Oopsie. Oh and I could and have eaten turkey cranberry sandwiches every single day and never get sick of them. We baked a turkey for Christmas and I truthfully had a turk/cran every single day (sometimes twice a day) for like 10 days. And I still want more.
Baby names? Nope. We both have names but can't quite agree on which one. Nate has names he loves and I'm "meh" about and I have names that I love that he is "meh" about. And then there's the category of names that we both like, but don't love. So which category do you choose from? I don't even know. I'm not too stressed about it, but I am starting to get just a little worried that one or both of us will feel like we settled a little. Any recommendations, Juje? 
Measuring? Ahead. Like 4 weeks ahead. I don't really trust the measurement, but apparently I'm 4 weeks bigger than I should be. Exactly what every pregnant lady wants to hear, right? 
Movement? This little lady is so active! I thought Sloane was busy, but man this girl will sometimes be active for like hours at a time, I'm already so nervous that she's going to be an even worse sleeper than Sloane. Please bless that's not possible. 
Weight Gain? Yeppers. Lots. But not terrible, although projections are looking like I will end up gaining more this time around. Hopefully not too much more though. 

I'm still working out, but it is the struggle of a lifetime. I have been going to a class on t/th mornings that is extremely hard when I'm not pregnant and nearly impossible now that I'm so large and in charge. But all the ladies are so impressed with me and so nice to me, that I probably will keep going.  Although at what point is it no longer worth it to go, if you're modifying every other exercise, or every single exercise? I'm somewhere in between those two.